am feeling quite depressed...
its like nothing that i do is right...
there is nothing that i can do to make mama proud...
how pathetic is that...??
she would go.... other people's child like this... like that...
other people's child are such good children...
and everything that i do is just plain WRONG!!

a good example...
"caca punya gaji $800 bagi mak dia $400... kau gaji beribu bagi aku $200 je..."

duh... i have a car... i need to pay my bills... the fuel... the parking...
okey2... may be she is a better daughter then i am but still... i do put an effort to give her some money... i know she doesnt really want my money... she has hers... she just wanna see if i am a good daughter or not...

i get scolding + slap + pinch from mama yesterday... because i was out the whole day... okey... for 2 days...
she said i am such a bad daughter...
the only thing that i wanna do is have fun...
i have no sympathy for her....
i am treating her like %$^%$
and my cat get scolding from her as well...

i am just really really sad because all this while i just get all this fucking scolding and the words that mama uses really hurts my feelings... i had NEVER in my life hear mama saying "I LOVE YOU" to me... seriously... sometimes i wonder if she loves me or not...

and she said the next time i am home late, i'll find all my belongings out of the house and she'll change all the locks... yeah... she has no problem kicking out her ONLY CHILD!! i cannot judge her... but it really hurts hearing all the stufs that she said... i am seriously thinking of renting a house and i'll bring baby to stay with me...

and she once told me i would know when i get a 'disgusting' daughter like me... and that is after i apologise to her... what did i do...?? i bought for her the wrong ticket... which is not my fault because she is the one who told me to buy in that certain date... and she scolded me because she said i am so inconsiderate and i should know that she gave me the wrong date... and she said the only thing that i care about is myself...

i just need some time alone~
i am miserable...
i should stop now before i start crying...