my merdeka celebration was such a disaster... -_-"

i bring a friend along to join our merdeka celebration as she just broken up with her bf... she is not a drinker... but she drank last nite... and she was totally fucked up at 12.00 am... she cried so loud in the club...she was out of control sampai meja pun nak terbalek... like wtf la kan...?! everybody was looking at us... malu gile!! then we had to leave the club around 12.45 am because of her... and she is like super heavy!! she can't stop crying (super loud) and vomitting!! blergh~

ok.. enough of that... Ramadhan!! tomorrow!! i wish Happy Ramadhan to all muslims and hopefully this coming ramadhan would bring hidayah to all of us... insyaallah...

i received this email from mak ani... super funny... the tittle : Siapa Yang Amek 1 Month Annual Leave ni...???

he is going on leave for 1 month

pesan nya : "selamat tinggal kengkawan... jangan sedih... aku cuti sebulan je..." lol!!

conversation :

me : k la... bye...
ajoy : bye busuk~
me : i dah mandi...
ajoy : i dah masturbate...
me : -_-"

argh~ lets add more marks on my legs... -_-" should i say they didnt take a good care of me...?? hhahaha... nah... its all my fault... thanks to chivas and tequila... i fell down yesterday and drag my friend along... lol... its kinda funny actually despite the fact that it really2 hurts...

i am at home updating my blog... wonder what am i doing at home on saturday...?? its because i had to wait for the movers to take the dining set, the sofa set, the coffee table and the shoe rack... mama asked them to move all those things from Tiara Intan to Orkid because we are buying a new sofa set and dining set... =) the new sofa set is not that nice but thinking about baby, i just have to say 'yes' to that new furniture as baby will try his best to destroy it... lol...

my company is moving from CMY building to Megan Avenue II... so i'll be working in a new office this coming tuesday... weeheee~ the thing that i hate about this new office is the fact that my place is right in front of my boss office!! like wtf...?! grrr~ cann you imagine how stressfull it'll be...?! the boss can see me right from his seat because his room is like 70% glass... and i can't walk around... i can't surf net... i can't talk on the phone... i can't even text people... i have to work, work, and work... and there is still no increment!!

its national's day eve!! yey!! Happy Birthday Malaysia!! planning to celebrate it tonight.. but we still dont have any idea where to go... hmm~ and ramadhan is in 2 days time.. why am i so guilty to celebrate national day...?? hurmm... i think i know why... its because of all those boozes...

people might say YEY!! its pay day!! and i would say....... "damn!! i have lotsa bills to settle..." -_- so lets calculate!!

- maxis bill = rm520.00

- mama = rm100 (its like monthly fee... lol...)

- credit card bill = rm1118.15 (*chokes*)

- car servicing bill = rm100

omg!! can you see all those stupid bills...?! someone please take that credit card away from me... i just can't stop shopping... i am so relief that next month is fasting month... that means i would stay at home... no clubbing and excess shopping... fuh~ but still... i have to shop for hari raya... life is so hard...

ok.. i have nothing to say...

i just love the picture... thanks dear cousin!! ;)

What can i say..?

What shall i say..?

What should i say..?

There are too many tears.. Too many pain caused by me.. I should just take a knife and kill myself rather then keep other people suffer.. I am just too weak to stand for myself..

I am sorry for all those pains that i've caused..

I am sorry for all the false hopes..

I am sorry for everything..

I just .................... -_-

in order to move on,
you must understand

why you felt
what you felt

and why you no longer need to feel it...

mama is on her way to singapore with bibik and achuk... and i am home alone with my baby cat... sigh~

shop till you drop!! =)

went shopping at sunway pyramid yesterday... arrived there around 8++ pm... so there was not much time to survey all the shops... but i was satisfied enough because i get to buy 3 tops, 1 leggings and a pair of earrings... and my fav. would be the 'Stay With Me' shirt... i bought that shirt during my lunch time at KLCC... i just love shopping~ it takes your mind off your problems... and of course it takes your money out of your purse as well.. lol... -_-"

at home surfing the net... uploading pics to my friendster albums and customizing my profile... and suddenly that someone called... he is stressed out coz all the songs that he makes doesnt seems to work... and he is kinda mad at me because i had been 'disappearing'... and i told him that he asked me not to look or even call him and so i did not try to make any contact with him as he is the one who asked me not to do so... plus i am not in the mood to be in a relationship... i just wanna be free and enjoy my life to the max for the mean time... and he said he is very dissapointed everytime he switched on his phone and he didnt receive any calls or text msg from me... -_-" i just don't understand man...

i am still in contact with my ex bf... as a friend of course... but he is very upset every time he calls me and he is on 'call waiting'... yeah.. i know its normal for him to be upset because obviously he is still in love with me... God... life is hard... expecially when there is a decision to make... i don't want to hurt anybody but there is nothing that i can do... i cannot make everybody happy... i am just a normal humanbeing... plz understand~

VIP = very impressive penis

lol.. Its thursday! Omg.. Time is moving so fast now a days.. There is nothing much that had been happening in my life.. But one thing for sure, i've graduated.. Yippy!! I would like to congratulate myself for completing the course that i felt like it is pretty impossible to complete as it is not the course that i wanted to do.. Lol.. Here are some of the pics that we took.. I went with mama for my convo.. And ajoy came to picc (putrajaya international convention center) later that day and gave me a bouquet of rosses.. How sweet is that..?? Hehehe..

And i just received my 1st crdt card! Weehoo~ its a supplementary from mama's card.. and mama made me swipe my card for our lunch at pizza hut klcc.. -_-" and i have to pay for everything that i bought using that card.. Phew~ now i have to think a gazillion times before i do any shopping because i will be paying every single cent of it..

I am pissed off with my company's MD.. My probation period had ended on the 28 of last month.. And i've talked to him twice regarding my comfirmation letter and it looks like there is still no action taken.. Like wtf la kan.. At least just tell me whats my status.. If you dont wanna hire me,just tell me.. Grrr~ i fucking hate malays with this fucking attitude! Bodoh! You can be super nice with other races but u treat your own race like shit! Seri0usly, what is his fucking problem..?? I am sure i can do my work well.. But if he doesnt think so,he can just tell me what..

Okey, lets talk about something that would make me happy.. Hmm.. Shopping it is! Hahaha.. Here are the things that i wanna buy ASAP!!

* new hp (sony ericcson x1) it is still not available in stores..
* that cute dress from Island Shop..
* new car.. Hehehe.. I will only buy a new car after i get my comfirmation letter..
* more shoes!!
* more handbangs!!
* sunglasses

i think that would be all for now.. Lets move to the next topic.. Clone war was great! I just love the humorous lines.. Lol.. My fav. would be when the droids counted how many droids were there when the capt. asked them to surrender.. I would love to watch the movie again! =)

i want a sidekick!!!!

Empty~

mama asked me what am i feeling at the moment.. and my answer is 'empty'.. then mama said, the emptiness shows that i am still in love with my ex.. is it true..? How can i feel empty if i am still in love with my ex..? It had been empty way before we broke up..

My ex decided to give me a month to think about our relationship instead of a year because he said he just cannot wait any longer.. I can only say that i can't make up my mind in 1 month because i am really confused and unsure of my own feelings.. and he said if i decide to be with him,there is only one thing that he'll ask from me; he don't want me to have any male friends..

Not having male friends in my life is not a major problem for me.. The problem is my heart.. Why can't anybody understand that..?! And he said he cannot bare to wait any longer.. Why..??? I thought if you love someone, u'll wait for them for as long as they require.. Unless of course if you have found a replacement.. Right..???

enough with all the sad stories... i hope i can end it here... hoping that all this confusion end soon... and so here are some pictures of my new bunny bear... it is super cute aite...?? ajoy bought it for me... yey!! thanks dear~ :D

I had a superb weekend! The private party was greattt! My pers0nal favourite moment is the pool action.. Hehehe.. I won't elaborate about it because it was..... Fuhh~ i'm out of words to describe it.. lol..

Mama asked me to buy durians and belacan since i went to malacca.. And i bought 20kgs or is it 25kgs of durians and it cost a freaking rm100.. I was sh0cked to know the price.. But its worth it.. The durians are abs0lutely yummy!! Credits to ajoy since he is the one who picked the durians..

And now i am at work updating my blog since the server is down.. And i am very very sleepy because i just had nasi ayam for lunch.. There goes my diet.. Haha.. Anyways, this sunday is my convocation day.. Weehoo~ and i am still thinking what to wear and which shoes and handbag to use..

I am superr exited!!

I became more and more confused about my feelings these days.. I keep thinking about my ex and it is making things hard for me.. I can't seem to move on.. Whatever it is, i am trying really hard to keep my cool like there is nothing wrong.. Unfortunately the way i try to keep things 'cool' makes mama think that i am such an heartless bitch.. When i go out and spend a night out,mama will think that i am getting worst and i would never change.. I just need sometime to clear my mind; away from home with some friends.. But mama can't seem to understand the dilemma that i am going through.. Yeah.. I know that i should understand her situation as she herself have lots of problems to handle..

I just need some time to clear my head!! I need some space of my own..

I am hoping that i'll realize what is the thing that i want in my life.. It is pathetic to know that i am still unsure of the things that i want expecially at my age.. Blergh~ juz kill me..

Am currently waiting for ajoy's decision either to go to A-famosa for a friend's private party or not..

I am very depress and i can't seem to get over it!! God.. Plz help me.. I am such an unworthy earthlings.. -_-"

mama treated bibik at Bora Ombak to celebrate bibik's birthday party... and emo elmo aka ajoy joined us as well...

mama asked me to buy a new camera because she said my camera makes peps look fat... lol...

i was super stress for the past few days and so mama bought for me a skirt and dress that i wanted at MNG midvalley... hehheh... the dress is simple and nice and it cost a freaking rm289... luckily its not my money... lol... and i am sooo in love with a dress at Island Shop!! mama refused to buy for me the dress because the price is rm249 and she said the fabric is not worth the price... -_-" i'll make sure that i'll get that dress no matter what!!!

he is such an ego guy!! like argghhh!! i dont know what game he is playing; but i refused to quit!! i won't lose in this game...

Do you remember how it feels like when you fell in love...?

Do you remember how he made u feel when he whispers those words to you...?

Do you remember how it feels everytime you think of him...?

You will laugh listening to his jokes...

You will smile for every single thing that he did and said to you...

You will feel sad everytime you make him mad...

You will cry everytime you miss him...

And you will be very depressed if he is no longer with you...

That is love...

I have finally realise the true meaning of love...

**********

i feel like i am chasing winds...

I can't see it..
I d0nt kn0w where is it..
I can only feel it when it comes..

so many things to say... but i don't know how to convey it...

my relationship with izam is finally over... i think he has gotten over it... we can communicate as friends... but he still hopes that we will get back together...

something really2 bad had happen this week... i can't blog about it... mama was really depressed and sad about it... but what can i do...?? we cannot undone the things that we had done... no matter how sorry i am, people won't know how very depressed i am when i am the reason mama is sooo depressed... okey... i sounded so keling~ lol...

and so we went to nelayan restaurant in titiwangsa... steamboat... and i cooked... blergh~~

ajoy kata nampak sangat muka tak pernah masuk dapur... lol... i look so fucking ugly...

and here are the pics from chan and ong's farewell party...

i need to get over it..
the more i think about it, the more depressed i'll be...
it'll be harder for me to move on...
seriously, i need to change!!!
but i need something to get my mind of it...