i have an announcement to make... lol...

mama have a blog!!

yeah... friendster blog... after a few years she asked me how to make a blog; i introduced to her the friendster blog... it would be easier for her because she dont have to use all those html codes... do come visit her blog since she does not have a lot of friends... ghahahahaha...

Question :

what is there for me the whole while...??

Answer :

you!!

yes that is the answer to your question... you are there for me all this while... you were there for me when i laugh... you were there for me when i am sad... you were there for me when i cried... you were there for me to hear all my nonsense even it hurts you so bad to hear all those things from me... you were there no matter what... and the thing that touched me the most is the love that you showed me...

i am sorry for all the pain that i've put you through... i know it hurts so bad... if i can rewrite the past, i will choose not to know you... why...?? because you are too good for me... you deserve better... you deserve someone who will appreciate and be there for you no matter what... unfortunately we cannot change the past... we cannot rewrite the whole thing... but i believe in destiny... there must be a good reason why God set us together... we might not know the reason now, but i am sure we will know the reason when the time is right...

thank you for being there for me...

thank you for being my sunshine...

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

this is the poem that mama wrote for me yesterday... i was sobbing and crying my heart out...

What Is Love???

I don't know what it is!!

Do you??

I have never found a true love in my life!

Have you??

I don't know!!

Do you??

What is love??

Is it affection??

Is it attraction? OR

Is it intimidation?

I don't know!!

Do you??

Am i guilty of rejecting love??

You said so!!

I don't know!!

I thought true love means..........

Never to curb your partner's wishes...

Wishes, I mean, you allow your partner to grow

individually, emotionally, professionally, religiously

and unconditionally.

Am i right??

I don't know!!

Do you have the answer??

I don't!!

True love.....

God's love towards his creations.

Rasullullah love's towards his ummah.

Parent's love towards their children.

What else??

any other love more ultimate and supreme??

I don't know!!

What is love??

I don't know!!

Do you??

it is finally over between us..
So many questions to answer..
why..??
what happened..??
who asked for it..??
what does he said..??

I asked for the break up.. I said i just dont feel the same way that i felt for him before.. I said i am not sure what i want.. I just need time to think and understand the true meaning of life and i need time to figure out what i want and who is the one for me..

He refused to let me go.. Because to him,everything would be fine.. He loves me.. He said he'll quit his job and c0ntinue his studies if thats the reas0n why i want to leave him..





i hate memories..it hurts..those memories make me wanna cry and run into your arms once again..

I still love you..

But do i really love you..?? or i love our relationship..??

I just cann0t find the answer..

For now,
i just wanna be like a pigeon; flying and playing around until i get the answers to the questions that i am looking for..

no matter how far i run from you, if we are meant to be together, we will definately meet and reunite again...

SAKIT!!

SAKIT SANGAT2!!

APE YANG SAKIT..??

do i even kn0w the real meaning of pain..?? People may say that i d0nt even kn0w the real meaning of pain c0z i am the one who is giving people pain.. Really..???

i d0nt even kn0w what i want in life.. i feel empty.. I feel like i am such a jerk by treating people so bad..is it my fault..? Yes.. It is my fault because i had never think and consider other people's feeling..

Why does the God makes life so c0mplicated..?? and yet again.. Do i really kn0w what is c0mplicated life..?? no i d0nt..

Do i kn0w myself..?? The answer is still NO.. wtf..?!

I hate myself, i hate my life.. I hate ME!!

I would like to ap0logise to all.. I am n0t perfect and i d0nt try to be perfect or impr0ve myself..

I think i want to 'dissapear' for awhile..

that is my latest handbag from Guess... nice aite..??? hehhehe...

weekend...?

as always... my weekend was fun... filled with love, humour and lust... lol... thanks to both my beloved man... and yeah i did a little shopping for myself... i bought a laundry bag from ikea, a jeans from levi's and a top from voir...

a gay in making... hahhahaha... ajoy loves to cook... and he is obsessed with kitchen's stuffs... as you can see from the pic; he is like super interested with that pan... lol...

i am graduating on the 17th of august 2008!!!

it is the time that i had been waitingg for... haaa~ at last... =) i can't wait for the photo taking session... i need to DIET!! DIET!! and DIET!! i would sacrifice all the good foods for a perfect picture...

things need to be done :

22/07/08 - pay rm90 for the scroll
23/07/08 - pay rm 280 for the photography session
14/08/08 - collect convocation's robe at unikl city campus
15/08/08 - go to putrajaya for rehersal
16/08/08 - go get my hair done + facial
17/08/08 - CONVOCATION DAY!!!

shopping week!!

went to klcc with mama last tuesday and i spent a freaking amount of $1000++... no kidding!! obviously i didn't pay for anything except for the shoes... mama said she pity me because i don't have any clothes to wear to work and so she bought for me those pants, tops and jackets.. i am sooo in love with a pair of shoes at zara but unfortunately they don't have my size... kaki cinderella la kan.. lol... and i bought for myself a Guess handbag yesterday... i just cannot resist it!! the handbag is superrr nice!!!! ok... i have to admit... i love to shop~ luckily i am working... =)

i had a conversation with a piping designer today... he is a part timer... he is from philippines... and he offered to teach me piping design... like super cool la kan doing design.. weehooo~ and he said... "only if u r interested to learn.." like duh... of course i would LOVE to learn... belajar free... lol... but i don't know when is the right time to learn because all the 3 bosses is in the office and they would go 'blablablablabla' if we walk around the office... like wtf... they expect us to sit at our place and stare at the freaking computer even where there is no work to do... we cannot surf net... we cannot walk around... we are given only 5 mins to smoke.. and we cannot talk to each other... -_-"

my life might not be as wonderful as i once imagined when i was a little girl but i am greatful that i am surrounded by people who loves me... =) i have no idea why i typed those sentance but thats the truth... sigh~ and i feel like crying everytime i think of how my life would be if my dad is here with me... i want to get to know him but at the same time i am afraid to do so... plus i dont know where to find him... whatever it is, there must be a reason why GOD set us apart... 'god gives us what we need and not what we want'... i'll always remember that quote for the rest of my life because it can give me strength in so many ways...

someone wrote about me having several guys in my life... yeah... i know it is not a good thing... but why have one when you can get more right...?? okey... it sounded sooo wrong!! i like attention and i like being pampered... so when i cannot get it from this person, i'll go to some other people who can give me attention and pamper me and make me feel like i'm needed and loved...
i want to apologise to you if you feel offended and hurt... i had never thought that i would fall for you and i never thought that you would get hurt... trust me that i would never wanna hurt you because you had been nothing but kind and loving to me... i'll cherish every moment that we had together because it is a special moment for us... and i am sorry if i keep adding more bfs or scandals in my life... i just cannot help it... i am so so sorry... but i have to confess that i do have feelings for you... :">

i don't wanna lie...

but i can't tell the truth...

HAPPY 54th BIRTHDAY MAMA!!

mama turned 54 today... i bring her to bora ombak to celebrate her birthday... and here are some of the pics of the birthday celebration... below is the prezen tt ajoy bought for mama...

and this is the prezen tt i bought for mama... i bought this lamp because it is good for migraine and asma people plus it can absorb dust... i am such a good daughter! lol... ;p

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yesterday was great... we went to bar-celona... it was fun but not that great because we had to wait for 2 hours for ajoy's friend (such a mood spoiler!!)... and his friends finished the bacardi apple in less then 15 mins... like wtf... they drank the bacardi like plain water la kan...

i feel like crying...

i miss u soooooo much!!!

finally i had my hair done!! and i am very very happy of it... =) and a very big hug and thank you to ajoy for paying for it... hehhehe... i know u like my hair kan...?? so u dont regret paying for it right...?? hehhehee... ;p

my weekend was... erm.. erm.. okey.. i cannot blog about it... and someone owe me a clubbing night plus a trip to petrosains!!! grrrr~

honestly, the maid can't cook!! i nearly puke yesterday after eating her so call ayam masak asam pedas... and now i think i'm getting sick after eating her nasi goreng... what aunty cha said is true... "si hadzah masak lagi sedap drpd si embah tu masak..." lol...

on the 4th of july someone surprised me with marble cheese cake and a rose... i was smiling like crazy when i opened my drawer and saw this sweet little surprise with a note... =) i love surprises!! keep it coming aites..?? hehehhe... ;p

and this is what happens when we dont know what to do... slacking at wherever place that is near and do nothing... -_-"

i just cannot tell u the truth~ and i dont want to be the one who have to make the desicion... i didnt mean to hurt anyone...

its saturday!! and i am wide awake at 7.00 am... like superr early kan for a saturday morning...??? i guess i am just used to wake up early in the morning to go to work... my primary agenda for today is go to the saloon and do something about my hair...

the company organised bowling for all the staffs last monday... and here are some of the pics... i can't upload all 900+ photos in blogger; so just enjoy the small pics aites...?? =)

in the office... before pushing off to flamingo ampang..

some of the 'oh so talented bowlers..' lol..

after the bowling session...

dinner time!! the lamb briyani is delicious!!

and yeah... my group won the 3rd place...

frankly speaking, i am the worst bowler in the team.. it was my first time... and i didnt receive the last place award; so i consider myself as not that bad... ;p

the funniest bowling move ever!!

i went shopping with aunty cha yesterday and she bought for me a chanel perfume and 3 tops... a grand total of rm600+ i love u aunty cha... hehehhehe... that is what i like about aunty cha... her money is always there for us to shop.. lol.. plus if she is in the generous mood la of course...

it is only the 5th of july and i am literally broke... that means i cannot shop anymore... huargh~ on the first day i get my salary, i splurge myself with a top, a bracelet and a guy laroche purse... yes i know i am such an idiot for spending so much but i just cannot help it... after all the working and overtimes, i feel that i deserve a little treat... dont u think so...?? lol...

my hero~

my life savior~

yeah! baby is my hero~ he had been the one with me no matter what... u might say i am crazy talking about my cat like that but its the truth... he really understands me... he knows when i'm sad... he knows when i am crying and he knows when i need him the most... a very good example is now... he had been sitting with me since yesterday... he dont usually sits with me all the time when i am home but he had been with me whenever i am home since yesterday because he knows that i am afraid alone... and i went to the toilet just now and he wanted to go out from the room but i called him and asked him to teman me while i am doing my business in the toilet and there he is sitting in front of the toilet waiting for me... he is sooo sweet and adorable!! i love u baby!! i promise i'll buy u a new shirt... hehheheh... i've been sitting in my room all night because i am afraid and baby accompanied me all night long in my room... he only goes out from the room when he wants to go to the toilet, have a drink or eat... how can i give my hero away...??!!

its 1.50 am and i still cant get myself to sleep... its my first day of period... and i am having period pain!! i hate it!! i took 2 pain killer but it still hurts!! grrr~ i need to get some sleep because i need to go to work tomorrow... haizzz~ it is so painfull that i cant even close my eyes... fuck!!

i really2 hope mama would buy for me a studio apartment at holiday villa asap like she told me because this condo is HAUNTED!! i wont type anything regarding the 'thinggy' in this post because i am afraid... -_-"

i am really confused of my feelings... yeah i know i've been complaining about the same thing over and over again in my previous posts but thats the fact... i just dont know what to do and i dont know whats best for me... i am just afraid that i might 'miss my boat' because i cant make up my mind... i am pathetic!!!

work had been tiring but i learned new things... and i am doing PDMS for now; thanks to ajoy... heheheh... i don't really know much about PDMS but i am determined to learn more because i am sick of doing PlantLinx with those stupid point cloud... and now i am doing intelligent modelling in PDMS for structures... in case u guys are wondering what is PDMS; PDMS as it is known in the 3D CAD industry, is a customizable, multi-user and multi-discipline, engineer controlled design software package for engineering, design and construction projects in, but not limited to, offshore and onshore oil & gas industry, chemical & process plants, mining, pharmaceutical & food industry, power generation and paper industries...

for the first time in my life i am actually looking forward to go to work because i cant stand staying at home and imagining things in my head...